A drop in still water In a glass on a piano Someone’s childhood home Seems to ripple on forever And it hums a song to itself That I never could make out But once I heard it say your name Quietly, “Clementine” A storm blew in off an ancient wind While the people retreated to their doors The laughter was like fireworks So I poured my clothes onto the lawn And one by one I hung them up From the trees in that kid’s backyard A ceremony to the unseen And still the glass trembles on I watched the grass grow tall In that summer’s hail And every bud bloom Rising up around my waist I brought one back to the house A token to your phantom form But you brought the glass up to your lips And drank it like wine So let petals fall She loves me she loves me not Still the sun marches on She loves me she loves me not I watch the petals fall She loves me she loves me not And still the petals fall She loves me she loves me not Let the frivolous ferment In their casks of castration Let the trivial face trials In the courts of the contempt Let the lovers seek shelter Lost in their lust Let the desperate drink From the first glass that they see

The exodus begins On a riverbed in the weeds Too late to turn back To retreat into the past So god now bless me in this canyon The deepest ravine you could stumble in Without warning or reason Usher in the new season Of trees hanging leaves on display The time will come to shed themselves The time will come I’m living life like a suicide mission The tempest of time and tangent of thought The tireless tides’ wear on the rocks Until endless sand fills the hourglass So what were my first words My first thoughts I chose to speak Please let them be my last It’s all a cycle back Until what we’ve said will be left at that And the clothes we’ve worn will been given away The names we've had will hold no weight It’s our day of reckoning And the scales of history are all bent out of shape And your blind mistress can’t find the words to say But they see through the bullshit you can help but spit And spew all the while you’re champing at the bit So tell me again that story from when you were young The one that we both love with the fountain’s pool and barefoot bravery The way the copper shifted with your steps The way you realized your first unconscious breath

I’m found pacing a house talking to myself Pretend the plants can understand - feel the wall’s paint with my hands This living room reminds me of an old friend’s loft That I haven’t talked to in ages but I still wish them all the best Remind me how to make days exist again wear the same clothes for weeks on end Forget my body forsake vanity forgive my trespasses and those against me Because it seems that there’s no point to lose but the thought continues to accrue Of a time I lived in orange light and you were by my side I’m so full of longing stretch my soul across the countryside A head that’s torn a heart that’s worn be born again from a few kind words From you, and it’s all I ever dream about Scrimp to save – fall apart – champ at every bit’s parts And I feel fucking insane just lighting up another And pour myself another, I'm just searching for the other Contentment lost contempt held close of what I know and what I won’t A solipsistic vision I wish would leave me alone I’m found sleeping on your floors hoping I’d catch your joy California dreaming during dimmer days and darker nights And I’m afraid to tell my mom that the money’s gotten tight Smoke like I want to die just to say it’s all alright Lay your back down on tiled brick let April’s showers bring May’s flowers Let the tides turn and drift let this memory last forever Let this road never end let this smoke never cease Let your father’s voice leave my ears I used to live above the first floor I used to leave my window open Now there’s dust on the ceiling fan now there’s rust on my old bike And here comes the kid with the pillowcase trying to hop a train and leave the place He’s been – cause it’s all he’s ever known and still has dreams of rolling stones But I have dreams of broken bones fuck the nights that I’m alone Rinse repeat every morning retreat drink it down till deafened defeat And I hope to see you soon someday somewhere somehow Because this love hasn’t passed painted blue gray and gold And I’m found telling tales of times tethered to loss Tempt my eager mind test my sense of self thread the needle trace the lines And treat the situation with complete indignation And discuss a question we both know holds no weight I’m found shouting out a window into city streets that never sleep And when I walk watch every step with all this fucking cracked concrete So scared that I’ll misstep and break my ma’s back Unless it’s all in vein and I can’t remain And find me in a bar getting high with the tenders In a parking garage stairwell smokestacks surrounding Enveloped engulfing enthralled and enticing A joy of life lost and found with roots to god found in the ground

I hop on the train before the stars yawn red All the lamps burn out and the faces stare While you’re asleep in your bed, feel the first light And sing to yourself just as the glare blurs And as I feel the earth spin as I feel my soul’s weight I step off onto the platform with my shoes tied too tight And shuffle on past the old swing singer With their six silver strings and a heart of gold This city feels too small And I still see you on the street With your coat undone in a rush And your hands in your pockets deep And when the wind chimes sing they sound like church bell cries A song as offering that can never reach the sky Or what lies beyond it – all intent lost Let the rain hit your window wrapped in yellow satin Staining my mind in the warmest of colors In an ivory room where the vines overgrew Where the piano doesn’t play and the photos are full of strangers You were a ghost in the house that blew with the breeze So I’d leave my window open In hopes that you’d float in And stay with me awhile Won’t you stay with me awhile I watched the buildings become shadows walk those purple outlines See the pink become blue and wonder what you’re up to Do you still ride the 22 when you’re getting out of work Do you go straight home or out to a bar Is there a difference in flesh or the feel of each bed Is there a distance to your voice, do you still bleed red? Pack my life into a suitcase abandon the past tense Roll up a smoke and head for the door Daydreaming kitchen living rip my pages from overuse Refuse to write in blue ink but keep my hands cupped at the sink The deafened meaning from forgotten nights – if my memory is gone does it make a sound Or does it make a difference from slurred stupors to stoop talks Indoctrinated disillusion distracted disappeared Abstract absolution a gentle nod to evolution Every tension lead to relief an revolution of belief And I put down my drink The train rolls in, the sun bows its head The street lights turn on and the forest stirs And sleep in your full let the wind cry Its ancient hymns through the born again firs And as the dew settles in as the day dawns again I step out in bare feet into the fields Of ever flowing green I wish I could die in I take off my clothes and lay in the weeds

I saw a condemned house, kudzu as carpet And through a window I climbed into a room A piano barely played from the vines in its strings This used to be a home the air used to sing Dust suspended in the air, cradling light But every moment must end and sun rise again For what we try to conceal will all but too soon reveal A human fear full of greed Did you lose yourself in that summer’s storm Fill your thoughts with someone else’s words The vanity of an endless search Like for the pin you left behind From when you moved away to a town I know Where they wouldn’t know your name But as the day passes away You still remain I saw a confession to a priest in an all but empty room Begging on his knees, ‘Lord what am I to do?’ I remember Mary and her bottle of perfume I remember June and stories yet to conclude Like when was I free or living for a dream? When was I brave like a child in a cave? It wasn’t so long ago that you hit me up Or even drank from the same cup I’ve seen the confusion that comes with longing The passage of time and longevity of suffering It’s our separate lamps on our respective nightstands For a bed we share, but I only want one light For all those long bus rides to Ithaca and Russian rive folklore Found ourselves on frozen ground smoke rising with the trees Like marble carved that sits in yards and waits An inescapable change had been made From wide eyed kids in fountain pools Backseat winters skipping school The whispered praise he sings to you Like the way I used to worship you But now I scrape my nails on canvas break my teeth on my ego Grasp for my essential self fight the premature resolve Dig my heels into the ground, plant myself with chestnut trees Drink the rocks run of stream and search for peace beneath the leaves I’ve seen the contempt from contending ideas Like pining in the dark for a feeling you’ve forgot The tempest seen in internal doubt The reminder of eternal loss Like this shit I speak has any meaning Like this liquor I drink holds any weight Turn me to salt as I look back on my days To find the worth left in a twilit wake And let the wind rise to take you from the earth Or find yourself in ten years or dead without hate The detachment of creation a genesis without vision A sacrificed salvation for bottled-water baptism Was it was loneliness, was it was loss Was it was a disconnection and a self-dissection A retrogression into self obsession Love professing like a funeral procession A cycle back to the same progression Though not the life that we’re expecting And all the same we’ll play the game To hold our hands with a poker face And sleep walk into our fate with dreams of the next Muddied watered down memories of our past My mother playing piano waiting for the vines For the story to repeat the discovery of time

I used to wonder why You weren’t by my side When was it that it changed How was it that I change when you said ‘I don’t really love you No I don’t really love you anymore’ I still wonder where It was that you would go It’s never mattered where’ve you been But the you shadow leave is what I follow but now It doesn’t cross my mind much It doesn’t cross my mind much anymore And I used to cross my heart I used to cross my heart and really hope to die But I’ve never wondered if A tree makes a sound When it falls alone in the woods All that’s found is the past humming in peace its song, it goes, ‘We will be reborn Yes we will be reborn and you will not recognize us Cause this is all we’ve got Yeah, this is all we got, do you understand me?’ The wonder in despair That creates a primal captivation And you’ll do what you want And I’ll do what I can But now I wonder what The fuck was meant to happen It smells like cigarettes and sex In room #221 it’ll be with me till death Is it what you wanted No, is this what you wanted Where was it I fell short I swear I can make up that distance And I always wonder why Time is the tides that rules our lives Like the rocks that break down Like sand’s eternal hourglass

Leave the door unlocked I’ll be right back I just need some smokes And a bit to eat Is there something that you might need Because I’ll see what I can do No, I haven’t seen him around I wonder where he’s been To the friends I never see Elijah, food when you’re hungry Ryan, drink when you dry Jay, dollars when you’re hard up Denny, religion when you die Mike, may the road rise to meet you And Cal, the wind ever at your back May the sun warm your face And the rain fall soft upon your fields

Hello brother, oh where art thou We're losing too much time And the days never stop passing us by You said you're the heretic without hell Walking through the shadow of death And hello sister, can you hear me What was that game we used to play Cause I can't seem to remember it It's the frisson from false fate The freedom from exalted meaning Put the bible in the freezer Grab a beer from the fridge Save those tales for posterity I've had hall I can take Drink the liquor from your shelf alone Keep your conscious self collected Amongst the remnants of some lost love You can't wait to forget And hello father, how's the business Are the profits looking fat Just how many stacks can fit in that sack Do you still dream in technicolor Are you a boy or a man in these visions Hello mother, why the worry Though the stories may be blurry They'll remain as brushed rose gold And thought the patina is well worn Where do you think that came from? Dry my clothes on my dream's rafters The ones that hold it all together The ones that canopy out and sag from rot Mycelial veins running the beams Though doing their best shit for the rest The structure sways - the water pools From cracks that let the light in Shutter shadows let it glisten One day the dawn will be bright blue and gold And the synagogues will be taller than before And the dreams clearer than the nights And god would still contain ethereal life The voices will rise high in harmony And the oceans will sink deeper than before The chaos of communion contrasting the wild's call The reunion of division if not salvation then just kill me And your friends will gather with cedar branches And all that you've done will be forgiven You'll feel the wind like a child again One day amongst the seen and unspoken

There were days made of light the air thicker than smoke But thinner than the blood that's running in us both Screaming, ‘I exist,’ at the top of our lungs But nothing feels like enough I only start my days to end them, thinking, ‘Let me be, let me be, let me be,’ To no one but everything; the silent plea to the void of myself Devoid of all reason I’m so full of longing I do not understand You’re the dream I never had – more than I could imagine Left empty for the nights that I can’t get to sleep Until the wind turned the pages so I caught a glimpse Of our ending And so I’ll write something quieter – not break my back on the beat or lose my mind over matters You always said I’m pulling out my hair It’s an unconscious action but all of this is real I swear I exist

I catch you painting your walls off white Saying that you need something softer in your life How it’s all sterile or touched with gray You want an eggshell you can’t break And I tell you about the stranger who sat next to me that day And how he smelt how I remember Trey It's some deja vu I don’t want to shake Because it's all the same I trace the lines around the buildings They look like a bookshelf that I built And you trace the lines around my eyes And say “this is the life that you've lived” I catch you thumbing through old voicemails Asking “Is there something that I’ve missed? Cause if there’s no way that it should be Is what I have all that there is?” And as you said that I heard a tree fall Off somewhere so far and distant Thinking through hearing I could validate as witness When it was gone regardless of me You said “Like the passing moment on the street Shrouded in pale purple The prescient reciprocation In the minutiae between strangers Let’s cheers to the first hand you held and meant To the words you wished you penned To the thoughts you shouldn’t have said And the days you wake with dread Cause I guess, yeah, this is all that there is”

The clock crows dawn, oh infant sun – holy moon I let the smoke fill my lungs and rise with the wind out my window It has begun And the birds all sing, “The time has come.” Until the buildings all crumble until god is in the clouds There's dust on our limbs and ivy in our lips and eyes As the water flows from the faucet’s head And the roses fall to the Café Müller’s floor Instability our constant – insatiability our civility Claiming anxieties as realities, self destruction at its finest Just to avoid a dream And we wonder why we can’t sleep through the night Let the grass grow to rooftops – let us ramble with wander and lust Our truest form of loss and wonder – to exist just because But that's still not enough And there’s laughter in the street, humanity unseen, I can hear it ringing But I can’t make out the melody Like some truth I can’t find, it’s the song I can’t sing Until the incessance of days is the only reality left to see That I can see Now the sun rises dimmer and only sets red The moon a mere mirror it looks just like daylight It’s all been a misunderstanding Some loss of self – too gone to connect – a deconstructed wreck I hear your voice in spoken melodies – your veins in a storm’s sky You’re the drop in still water, without warning or reason you’re alive But I haven’t been sober since you left We all have a final sin, a final breath Love is the only sound that echoes through the years And still as they pass your voice is the only one that I can hear Won’t you come here? Yeah it’s true, do you hope it’s true?